<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>deus ex some guy by TheNerdlet</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051092">deus ex some guy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdlet/pseuds/TheNerdlet'>TheNerdlet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Good Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi is Not Okay, Healthy Uchiha Obito, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Reincarnation, Self-Indulgent, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, ish, kakashi sucks at killing people lowkey, kindly ignore the giant plotholes ive created by switching kakashi and obito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:06:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdlet/pseuds/TheNerdlet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi goes out in a blaze of glory, protecting Konoha, and fanning the flames of the Will of Fire.</p><p>It was an epic death. No doubt about it.</p><p>Except Kakashi doesn't die. Kakashi wakes up in the middle of the Fourth Shinobi War to a Rasengan in his face, and his long-dead comrade in Konoha shinobi get-up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dai-nana-han | Team 7 &amp; Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi &amp; Maito Gai | Might Guy, Hatake Kakashi &amp; Namikaze Minato, Hatake Kakashi &amp; Nohara Rin &amp; Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>714</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is self indulgent so dont think too hard about the plot. just let my beautiful prose wash over you.<br/> </p><p>IF AT ANY POINT YOU THINK, hey i could do this better FUCKING TELL ME HOW PLEASE</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kakashi is not religious.</p><p>Kakashi barely remembers what words Sakumo said to which deities when he kneeled in front of his mother’s shrine. Head bowed. Praying softly. Followed by silence, often for hours.</p><p>And hours.</p><p>It’s not unlikely that Sakumo drew out the ceremony. One more miserable hour for the sake of feeling miserable in a miserable life. Miserable, misery, miserably. Blah blah blah. Kakashi does the same thing at the memorial stone.</p><p>But he doesn’t need religion to do that. He just stands there and thinks. </p><p>
  <em>If I had just-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-I bet, I bet then-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-happy, or more like content and-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-eat together at Minato-sensei’s house and-</em>
</p><p>Yeah. For hours and hours.</p><p>Maybe- <em>maybe</em>, Kakashi should have invested in some religion. To protect him from supernatural, fate-entangled, destiny bullshit.</p><p>Some nice god who would have let him cross realms, or planes, or evolve into the next dimension, or whatever. Or maybe just fade into oblivion for all of eternity.</p><p>Some nice god who would let him fucking die.</p><p>Because <em>this</em>? This is <em>not </em>what’s supposed to happen after you dramatically tell your cute, admittedly, grown, students that you’re proud of them and you love them and you’re sorry, but it’s for the good of the village. <em>And then</em> proceed to blow ten times the amount of chakra you thought you had out of your already burnt chakra coils and turn that energy into <em>so</em> much fucking lightning, force your tired, weakened, body to keep it concentrated in your hand while sprinting to <em>murder some bitches, </em>and then may or may not lose the energy to control the electricity, and <em>whoops</em> your entire body gets incinerated but that’s okay because you wanted a cremation anyway, and you’re so tired you can’t even feel it, and then the world fades to black, and you think, this is it.</p><p>The sweet release of death. </p><p>But no. It’s not.</p><p>It’s actually another migraine of a life. And Kakashi should try lighting himself on fire (for purification purposes, of course) because some ill-bidding deity or fiend <em>was </em>involved here.</p><p>He had already done this<em>. </em>He had already fought Obito, fought Madara, Zetsu, Kaguya. The war was over. It had <em>been </em>over. For <em>years.</em><em> He had already done this.</em></p><p>He kind of got why Akatsuki guy- Hidan?- went nuts.</p><p>You die. You wake up in a field of rubble that doesn’t end for miles. You wake up feeling small, because you figure this is what gravel looks like from an ant’s perspective. You wake up, and it’s night, blue clouds hanging over you like they’re waiting, to drop, to smother you, to suffocate you-</p><p>Naruto drops from the heavens, whirling Rasengan in hand, and almost blows a hole through your chest.</p><p>Kakashi dodges on reflex, catching his wrist and twisting to redirect his Rasengan into the ground at his feet.</p><p>Maybe he should be more on guard than he actually is.</p><p>The rock he was standing on shatters, and Kakashi jumps back the same time as Naruto, landing somewhat unsteadily on another boulder.</p><p>And breathes in. And holds. And breathes out. And holds. And breathes in-</p><p>Naruto lands forty feet away from Kakashi, alongside his team. Killer B is standing further back, in Gyūki’s form, eight pink tails towering above the fight. Gai stands to Naruto’s left, looking serious. And, Obito.</p><p>Obito’s decked out in full Konoha Shinobi dress. The old flak jacket style, greener, bulkier, with the Uzushiogakure symbol stitched onto the back. A black <em>hitai-ate</em>, engraved with the kanji for <em>shinobi</em>, the fabric pulled over his left eye.</p><p>He looks grave, as well.</p><p>He looks good.</p><p>- breathe in. And hold. Breathe out. And hold-</p><p>Obito still has the same scars carved into his right temple and cheek, and Kakashi can see that his right hand is deathly, inhumanly white, plus he’s a little damaged from fighting but-</p><p>He really does look good.</p><p>Yeah. He looks like he smiles a lot, and eats well, and trains under the sun for hours, working up a sweat, pushing himself, and then goes home and proceeds to sleep for twice the amount of time he was training.</p><p>Kakashi reaches up to touch his face, and meets cool, hard, clay. The mask clinks against his nails. It’s the same mask Obito was wearing before Naruto broke it into pieces, revealing Tobi wasn’t Madara at all, actually, and that they were in much deeper shit than they had thought they were. </p><p>He can feel the ring pattern under his fingertips, painted into the mask, like Rinnegan. The three <em>tomoe </em>carved out to create eye-holes, like Sharingan.</p><p>There’s probably some metaphor there Obito intended, but Kakashi doesn’t care.</p><p>Because- fuck.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Because- because, he’s on the other side this time. He’s the <em>bad guy</em>, he’s trying to destroy the world to suit his crazy maladjusted ideologies, but Obito is okay this time, and- maybe... maybe Minato is- or Rin? And-</p><p>-And isn’t that a wonderful thought? If he had done <em>anything</em>, literally <em>anything </em>differently, things would have ended up better than they did for his old team.</p><p>That kind of hurts. That kind of leaves him painfully numb in his chest, like his heart and lungs are just deadened pieces of meat, and his fingertips cold-</p><p>-breathe. <em>Breathe</em>. You need to control yourself and focus-</p><p>Kakashi drops to one knee hard, jagged stone cutting into his shin, trying to think.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>kakashi honestly seems ooc to me but i like writing his inner thoughts like this so im only gonna keep him in character when hes interacting with other characters</p><p>edit: lmao no im not</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kakashi opens the game by almost fucking dying.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey guys i just started school so updating might be a bit all over the place but im definitely probably maybe going to finish this<br/> </p><p> </p><p>fun fact i was originally gonna name the story after pascal's wager, which is basically the idea that hey, mathematically, it makes more sense to be religious because if hell does exist, then you're set for eternity and if it doesn't exist then no harm done. this super logical way of thinking of religion, i thought it would be cool to apply it to kakashi</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you dress a wound, what you’re supposed to do is add a thin layer of petroleum jelly to the inside of the wrapping.</p><p>Kakashi is trying to be a genius, so Kakashi knows the biology of this down to the molecular level. </p><p>What happens is, you get a cut. Then, homeostasis: vascular spasm, platelet plug formation, clot formation. Scabbing. Beneath that, the beginning of tissue reformation, but that’s less relevant.</p><p>If you don’t have petroleum jelly, you’re supposed to soak the bandages in water. Likewise, if there’s fabric covering a wound, and you’ve gotta move, you’re getting chased or something, just pour water over the fabric covering the wound. Or <em>other</em> liquids.</p><p>If you don’t do this, it’s not a real problem. It’s just something you’re not gonna want to deal with later.</p><p>Cells tangle together to plug the wound, cells tangle with the dry threads of fabric in your uniform. Your wound is scabbing over, but your pants are connected too, stuck in the hardened mixture of blood and skin. For non-medic-nin, there’s one way to get your pants out of your scab.</p><p>Rip the scab off. Start the entire process over again. </p><p>Kakashi has done this once in his life, and that time had been the last time.</p><p>He’s kneeling on a rock, wind whistling against the eye-holes in the mask, wind flapping Obito’s stupid fucking cloak. He stands up, and there’s blood where his knee hit the rock too hard.</p><p>Obito’s whispering to Gai and Naruto. They’re going to attack again, and Kakashi can’t afford to pretend to hold them off, and, bonus challenge– the mask stays on because he’s a man of principle.</p><p>There are four things that Kakashi needs to destroy: a) Rinnegan, one of them in his head, the other probably in Kamui. b) The Gedo Statue, conveniently under his protection at the moment. c) Madara. d) Zetsu.</p><p>The great thing is, the only person who wants to keep the Gedo Statue intact within five hundred miles is supposed to be him, and everyone else wants to destroy it, so he can just. Let them.</p><p>Except that they’re clearly on phase two of plan <em>Destroy The Gedo Statue</em> which includes sub-plan <em>Murder Kakashi</em>. Because Kakashi is not only the only person that wants to keep it intact, he’s also supposed to be pretty good at it. </p><p>The cool thing about having lightning affinity is that, if you really apply yourself, you can control the electricity in your body, as in, you can control the electrical signals in your body, as in neurons. As in nerves. Your nervous system. If you really apply yourself, you can control every function your body doesn’t trust you with.</p><p> Sweating, the rhythm of your heart, pain reception, cell contraction, the nicotinic receptor, sodium, and potassium, polarization, the adrenaline in your system, it's all yours. Kakashi can pop and drop a boner without thinking about sex once.</p><p>It is not advised by medical professionals to learn this jutsu.</p><p>Well, it wouldn’t be if Kakashi told them about it.</p><p>He technically excluded one thing from the list. Last time, Obito had him run his arm through his chest. Kakashi assumes that he also has a seal on his heart.</p><p>Two birds, one stone. If a gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope, then Kakashi is nothing.</p><p><em>I should pray this time</em>, Kakashi thinks, and then lightning is exploding behind his eyes, crackling, burning down pathways, into his internal organs, and Kakashi is electrocuting himself.</p><p>
  <em>One.</em>
</p><p>It’s not that the world goes black. But Kakashi is suddenly somewhere else.</p><p>
  <em>Two.</em>
</p><p>A separate place. Within himself. He exists in his body's wiring, in the electricity running down nerves, in his spine, in his panicky heart, where the curse tag is shriveling and burning.</p><p>
  <em>Three! fuck.</em>
</p><p>Kakashi does not think that this is what yoga instructors mean when they say, open your chakras and go to your quiet place.</p><p>
  <em>Fourrr-</em>
</p><p>The worst thing is, Kakashi is absolutely not allowed to pass out.</p><p>
  <em>Five.</em>
</p><p>Something gives.</p><p>Kakashi cuts off the constant stream of energy through his heart and checks the damage to his nerves, to see if he’s gonna die right now, or maybe his body can wait a couple of minutes before completely shutting down.</p><p>He’s actually, surprisingly, relatively okay.</p><p>“What just happened? Obito-sensei?”</p><p>He feels blurry. There’s a hot, bone-deep prickling sensation, the sort of pain that makes you laugh and sob at the same time.</p><p>Kakashi opens his eyes and he’s staring out at the horizon, mountain peaks, which cut jaggedly down the center of his vision, and realizes that at some point his body hit the ground.</p><p>Kakashi just needs thirty seconds. He deserves a small break. He’s only been here for two minutes, and he can feel a stomach ulcer forming. </p><p>What a day, right?</p><p>“I don’t think he was attacked, Naruto. He definitely wasn’t attacked just now,” Gai replies, speculating. </p><p>They moved. They’re maybe fifteen feet behind him now. Kakashi is internally crossing his fingers. He can’t hear the Gedo Statue rumbling anymore.</p><p>“Like a delayed attack? But he’s definitely the type to notice something like that.”</p><p>“Maybe he did. Maybe that’s why he’s not dead,” Obito cuts in.</p><p>He rolls around, facing his comrades.</p><p>His... comrades?</p><p>Kakashi fought Itachi once: he took a genjutsu that put him in the hospital for weeks, and he thought he was the victim. But now he knows. It was worse for Itachi. Kakashi has never felt more awkward in his life.</p><p>Kakashi stands up slowly, arms and legs trembling. Like an old man with arthritis.</p><p>Kakashi can’t shake the feeling his reputation is taking a hit right now.</p><p>The Gedo Statue is frozen, it’s head carved clean off its neck. It begins to tilt forward.</p><p>In Anbu, Kakashi once blew up the foundations of a skyscraper. It was a prison. The target was one of the inmates. They couldn’t get in to personally assassinate him. </p><p>The detonation was uneven, so instead of collapsing in on itself, the building fell to the side. The way it fell, it looked like it slumped forward. You know, how in movies, a guy gets shot in the head, and you see him go still, and then his body just quits. Collapses. The tower, that mammoth of a building, tilting, inch by inch, picking up pace. It swayed forward, the steel frame gave, the building folded in itself as it’s spine bent under the force of gravity. It kept going, and then city met skyscraper. </p><p>If you’ve ever punched a civilian in the stomach, this is what it looks like. They’ll slam down hard, with a thud, crushing grass and flowers under their weight. </p><p>Skyscrapers will just crush smaller buildings. </p><p><br/>
What’s crazy is, that was the first time he’d seen a skyscraper in real life. He was fifteen.</p><p><br/>
They got their target. They had to search through the rubble to make sure. </p><p>The building was confetti, strings of rebar, and ribbons of steel and copper. Concrete and bullet-proof glass made into powder. There were bodies in there that didn’t even look like bodies. Kakashi was worried that he would find the guy but he wouldn’t be able to tell. </p><p>Kakashi watches the Gedo Statue smash boulders under its weight.</p><p>In the end, it wasn’t him that found the guy. His senior, she had a jutsu that could clear the air of pollution, and she found him by smell. And he was mangled indeed. Like wet red tissue paper clinging to string.</p><p>The Statue is sprawled on the ground, headless. The impact sent clouds of pulverized rock into the air.</p><p>Cool.</p><p>Naruto coughs and waves dust away from his face. Obito and Gai are staring expressionlessly at Kakashi, expecting something, relaxing in a way that says they’re ready to move, ready to kill. Kakashi can feel Killer B at his back, fixed in the same place he was before.</p><p>Okay. Cool. This is still cool.</p><p>The tension in the air ramps up with anticipation. Obito and Gai look like they’re melting.</p><p>Kakashi is cornered. Kakashi is still recovering from electrocution, so Kakashi doesn’t move.</p><p>Thirty seconds, that's all.</p><p>“Hey! What the hell was that?” And Naruto, Naruto needs to learn how to read a room. He’s got his hands cupped around his mouth like Kakashi can’t hear him from fifteen feet away. “Why’d you fall?”</p><p> And, well, he's nothing, right?</p><p>Kakashi turns to Obito, nodding towards Naruto. “What are you teaching your kids?” he says blandly.</p><p>Team Seven didn’t exactly receive a superb education from Kakashi, but he swears on his life he probably at least taught Naruto not to straight-up ask the enemy what’s going on.</p><p>He had told him. He said, everything you do is a move, and if you do something careless, your move will be used against you.</p><p>Obito’s face contorts hysterically, and he is livid. “Hey! Who the hell are you to judge?!” He’s shouting. Everyone is ignoring the fact that Kakashi is only fifteen feet away. “I did pretty damn good, asshole! Remember when he beat Pein? The face of your little terrorist organization? Remember when he entirely blew up the head of the statue you were trying oh-so-hard to protect in one shot, maybe five seconds ago?!”</p><p>Obito got this lesson too. One of Minato-sensei's many lectures.</p><p>Kakashi ignores him and surveys the area, eyes landing on a spot in the mountains.</p><p>Tiger seal. </p><p>And Kakashi’s gone, flickered away, far enough that Gyuki is a tiny figurine in the distance, propped up in grey sand.</p><p>Obito is there instantly, stepping out of the air behind him, throws a punch at Kakashi’s neck.</p><p>Kakashi catches his strike with his forearm.</p><p>“I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing,” Obito snarls, “but you don’t insult someone and run.”</p><p>Kakashi’s waiting.</p><p>Obito drops his arms, roundhouse kicks to Kakashi’s kidney, hard. His goal is to kill.</p><p>Kakashi blocks again.</p><p>Waiting.</p><p>Obito follows through, kicks backward.</p><p>Kakashi pushes off of Obito’s leg, defends.</p><p>Obito attacks. Kakashi defends. Kakashi attacks. Obito defends. There’s a rhythm to it, a continuity. Kakashi can see Naruto soaring towards them, Gai riding on his back. That’s… definitely karma.</p><p>Just a little longer.</p><p>They meet midair and propel off of each other, backward, Obito weaves the seals for Katon and blasts a fireball at Kakashi. Kakashi slams his hands into the ground and a wall erupts.</p><p>Now.</p><p>This moment is the reason Kakashi instigated a fight.</p><p>He swaps out, leaving the fighting to a shadow clone. The mud-wall cracks with a pop, superheated, plasma flowing around the edges like water spilling over the edge of a desk and Kakashi sinks into the ground.</p><p>He needs to deal with this eye.</p><p>The earth slackens around him and he slides straight down, holding his breath. His feet break through the ceiling of a cave, and he drops down, summoning a ball of light. It’s a tiny place, a tiny bubble in the mountain, like an imperfection in a clay pot, maybe an hour’s worth of air. Kakashi draws a kunai from his kit and pulls the clay mask up.</p><p>Kakashi doesn’t really know why he goes out of his way to prevent scabs from getting stuck to his clothes.</p><p>Once, when he was Hokage, he pointed out that Genma’s shirt had bonded with his stomach, and the man ripped it off right in the middle of his office, and, dripping blood down his front, finished his report. </p><p>The last time Kakashi had a mission with Shikamaru, the kid got flung. Like, the missing-nin they were after physically picked him up and tossed him like a frisbee. He skidded to a halt on his side, and when he got up he was missing the skin where his body hit the ground. There were red marks on the concrete. His shirt and pant leg was mostly torn away with his flesh, but the edges of the fabric clung. Afterward, Shikamaru decided it would be more efficient not to wait for a medic-nin, and pried the dead crust off himself.</p><p>Kakashi’s point is, he’s unique in this.</p><p>The idea doesn’t repulse him. He doesn’t sicken at the thought. He’s willing to cut his eye out, for fuck’s sake.</p><p>The last time he had to rip a scab off, he was about three.</p><p>Maybe his tiny three-year-old brain blew the pain up to epic proportions and ever since Kakashi’s subconsciously had trauma.</p><p>Metal plated gloves aren’t uniform. A lot of people, when they wear them, they’re completely useless, they’re decor. You have to train to use them. You can’t just put them on and go. You have to train against the instinct to keep your extremities away from knives. </p><p>Say a dude comes at you with a knife, icepick grip, hands overhead, ready to come down on your chest or in your eye. Defend yourself. Ignore the fact that his entire front is open, and if this wasn’t a simulation you could slit his carotid or axillary artery and kill him. Just defend. </p><p>Your first reaction isn’t going to be “I stop the blade with the back of my hand”.</p><p>You have to train not to forget that the plating is there. Then, you have to train so that you receive whatever it is coming at you the right way. The plates are slightly curved, and if a blade slides past them, it could be game over. On the other hand, some projectiles, if caught flat-on will just cut through the metal and your hand.</p><p>Most kunai are thrown with enough force that if you deflect it head-on, absorbing the impact into the metal guard, you’ll bruise pretty badly.</p><p>When he was a delicate three-year-old, deflecting a blade meant that the metal plating cut into his skin.</p><p>Kakashi remembers trying to take the gloves off and realizing what was wrong. He was just a kid, he had no real pain tolerance, so he left them on. He figured he’d wait it out.</p><p>They got nasty, in short. He couldn’t wash the metal dust off, or the blood and dirt off, which was building up fast since he was always wearing them. It would have be fine, except Kakashi also helped cook.</p><p>Sakumo watched him gut a fish. The gloves weren’t recognizably blue, at this point, and the scratches in the metal were clogged with grime. </p><p>Usually, Sakumo remarked, you wash your hands before you cook.</p><p>Kakashi stopped pulling the intestines out of the fish and climbed on top of the counter, sitting at the edge of the sink and turning on the faucet. He began running his gloves under the tap.</p><p>Soap? Sakumo tried.</p><p>Kakashi put soap on his gloves.</p><p>Kakashi, he said. I get that you love the gloves, but you’re really gonna give me hepatitis.</p><p>Kakashi told him that it would be fine and that hepatitis A was really rare.</p><p>That’s not– Well, alright. I concede. Stick your little gloves and whatever virulent diseases are festering within them into the food. It’ll add depth to the experience, I guess.</p><p>Kakashi said thank you.</p><p>Kakashi recalls that night, Sakumo ate the entire fish. The bone was sucked clean. Kakashi, on the other hand, had to look at the gloves every time he took a bite, barely touched his food.</p><p>And Sakumo, he didn’t let the gloves go.</p><p>Kakashi, Sakumo said, after they cleaned up dinner. He crouched down, and nodded down at the gloves, looking amused. What’s going on with your hands?</p><p>Nothing. Kakashi shrugged. I just like the gloves.</p><p>Let me see them.</p><p>Kakashi held his hands out.</p><p>Sakumo ripped his gloves off at a speed Kakashi only ever achieved in adulthood. </p><p>Kakashi had yelped and tried to jerk away, but Sakumo had each one of Kakashi’s miniature hands in each of his adult ones and he pressed his palms together, like prayer, so that Kakashi’s hands were crushed together underneath Sakumo’s.</p><p>I’m putting pressure on it, Sakumo explained. He smiled apologetically. Sorry. It hurts less if you don’t see it coming.</p><p>Kakashi nodded, a little bit teary. Why are you putting pressure on it?</p><p>Sakumo shifted from crouching to sitting cross-legged on the floor, and pulled Kakashi into his lap, his hands still squashing Kakashi’s. He rested his chin in Kakashi’s hair so that Kakashi could feel his jaw press into his head while he talked.</p><p>It’s called gate control theory. You know about nerves?</p><p>Kakashi nodded, and Sakumo went on for a while, talking about non-nociceptive fibers and myelinated fibers, the flaws of the theory, and the Gordian Knot that was pain and its affects, until he noticed that Kakashi’s hands were starting to scab over again.</p><p>I’m going to teach you what to do when something like this happens, okay? Sakumo picked Kakashi up off of his lap and planted him on the ground in front of him. He stood up and turned on the tap, rinsing blood off his palms. Sakumo pulled the cabinet door open with his foot. Kakashi watched his back as he rummaged through the shelves.</p><p>You need to take care of yourself, Kakashi. Nobody else will do it for you.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>There’s blood running down Kakashi’s face. He wipes his blade on his pants and puts it back into his kit.</p><p>For such a legendary eye, it sure cut easy.</p><p>Kakashi is sitting cross-legged on smooth wet stone, grinning like an idiot at nobody. It’s too perfect, is the thing.</p><p>Evil Kakashi, fun fact, takes just as good care of his weapons as Normal Kakashi, praise be the lord and everything holy. Wielding a dull blade, you have to make up for sharpness with force.</p><p>The collective number of eyes that Kakashi now owns that were originally his, is zero, which is a shame.</p><p>But Kakashi has Obito’s eye, which at this point in his life, he considers joint custody.</p><p>Maybe he can give it back first. Is that too unlikely? Probably.</p><p>He’s doing what he can. He’s a man of principle, and his principles include: a) those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash and b) don’t abandon your principles.</p><p>Traumatizing your comrades is a subcategory of abandonment.</p><p>The gods know, clearly, that he almost pissed himself when he saw Obito’s face for the first time in two decades.</p><p>And they also know that, an hour later Kakashi threw himself in front of Sasuke, and he counted down, three, two, one seconds before slaughter, one of Kaguya’s creepy disintegration missiles locked-on to Sasuke’s head through Kakashi’s liver, and, god, what if I’m not enough to stop it? </p><p>Only to watch the freaky stick thing, All-Killing Ash Bone whatever, liquidate and collapse on itself, sucked into a point in the sky, two feet away from Kakashi’s torso.</p><p>Only to turn to Obito, and see him smiling weakly through the pain, Kaguya’s weapon slid easily through his stomach, the way a needle pulls thread through cloth. </p><p>The gods also know that Kakashi really did piss himself that time.</p><p>If Obito is supposed to be Kakashi, right here, right now, then Kakashi’s not going to be Obito. Kakashi’s not going to come alive, again, reborn. A miracle. Look Obito! I’m me and you’re you and luck is my inamorata. This is my second chance, Obito. </p><p>I’m a gift from the gods. </p><p>Obito was a gift from the gods. If you can consider giving naloxone to a dying opioid addict a gift.</p><p>I’m a gift from the gods, but here’s a twist, the gift is actually my death, which is somehow going to indefinitely secure stable infrastructure and world peace. </p><p>Really, it’s a great trade. It’ll make your job as Hokage hilariously fucking easy.</p><p>If the war requires his crucifixion, then he’d take it silently. He’d take it as Tobi, and it would happen like this. Obito is going to dramatically reach out for him the moment before his death, but he wouldn’t really make an effort to save him, because, well, this is your penance, right? You're not really, technically a good person yet. That only kicks in after. And then Kakashi’s going to be gone, scorched from the surface of the earth, cemented in obscurity. Everyone will grieve the death of a self-sacrificing Asshole Turned Good Man™, from the moment he begins dying to the moment of his death. They’ll grieve as long as they’re watching him die and not a moment longer. And, later, Naruto and Obito will stare at a wall covered in aging wallpaper in their apartments and think <em>if only there were another way</em> for a collective six minutes, and then that will be the ending of his funeral.</p><p>Deus ex some guy.</p><p>Kakashi’s probably going to die. So the mask stays on.</p><p>Kakashi is always going to be loyal to Konoha, so he’ll do anything, he’ll kill himself again, in a world where he’d really like to not.</p><p>Kakashi is thinking, if I were going to use a human being as a wet wipe, this is how I’d do it. I’d put them in a situation where what they want to do is also what I want them to do. If I wanted them to suffer? I’d spin their philosophies against them, make them do what they want to against their will. This is what Kakashi means when he says it’s all too perfect.</p><p>No good answers, there are none.</p><p>He might be in hell. The thought has crossed his mind, but it just seems like one of those things you don’t want to think about too hard.</p><p>Kakashi feels his shadow clone disperse above him.</p><p>
  <em>He sees Obito the moment before, twisting a knife into his clone’s stomach. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A speck flying towards them in the distance. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hears himself ask quietly, “You’ll take care of Black Zetsu for me?” and Obito glances at him sharply but the clone disperses before Kakashi can see his face.</em>
</p><p>He reaches up and the cave ceiling sucks in his hands, dragging him up by his arms, towards the surface.</p><p>Oh, <em>fuck</em>.</p><p>Madara is here.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if YOU would be SO KIND as to answer some of my QUESTIONS in the COMMENTS:</p><p>does the weird shit i do with tenses mess with the flow of my writing?</p><p>what do you guys think of sakumo?</p><p>do you get why i included the scab thing?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>deleted this one. revised version is next</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i just want you to know i love you and you should take care of yourself</p><p> anyway next chapter &gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(keeping these notes so i can understand the comments)</p><p> </p><p>i thought writing madara was going to be more fun than it was. tell me if the entire thing kakashi did with the "revolutions are for depressed people" and madara being like "you have opened my third eye" tell me if it that all happened too fast.<br/>ill get to the scab thing eventually. im hoping it will come up organically.</p><p> <br/>i hope the little emotional moment at the end there affected you. as always, if you give me criticism i will love you.<br/> </p><p> <br/>any music this fic reminds you of? i have a playlist. do you want it?<br/>whats the vibe???</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the end of madara (and kakashi)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hullo, this is the revised version of chapter three</p><p>please read it if youve already the previous version of the chapter. just like... scroll down to the madara bit and read that. he exposits a little bit and i build on kakashi's kinda like.. . moral type? ideologies?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kakashi doesn’t want to die, but he’s already dead. He’s on borrowed time, baby. He’s got a purpose here.</p><p>He’s doing the protecting this time.</p><p>Obito, and maybe Minato, Rin, Kushina. Neji. Everybody that is alive is going to stay alive. Except for him.</p><p>It’s terrifying, being totally useless in a battle where your kids are fighting on the frontlines. Naruto will put his life on the line for any single person out there. He <em>has</em> put his life at stake for just anybody, but Kakashi would rather Naruto put his.</p><p>Everyone forgets how old they are. Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto. Hell, Kakashi forgets how old they really are. Kakashi was a child prodigy. Kakashi was on the frontlines at five, he was deemed good enough to take responsibility for his teammate’s lives at ten, he was deemed responsible enough to protect everyone’s lives at fourteen. </p><p>Kakashi knows that kids shouldn’t be on the frontlines.</p><p>But Naruto is a kid, gifted, powerful, strong, who believes that the problems of the world can be solved if everybody wishes for it enough. Sasuke doesn’t know how to live without any fast and hard reason to. He has yet to learn how to simply exist. Sakura is trying to take care of her boys. She’s trying to learn to love herself, trying to prove to herself that she is valuable to Team Seven.</p><p>For all that Kakashi seems like he doesn’t give a shit, he does.</p><p>Kakashi kind of wishes his kids knew that he gave a shit.</p><p>Kakashi is pushing his way up, crumbling his way through stone and slithering through mud, and he’s slowly losing oxygen. He can’t see anything, and he keeps spitting, checking to make sure he’s not burying himself further underground.</p><p>If Kakashi wanted, he could reduce the carbon dioxide in his system, and let himself slip off. It’s the same sort of death you get from pure carbon-monoxide. Inert gas asphyxiation is a euthanasia enthusiast’s favorite way to kill a person. Isolating your brain cells of oxygen, they’ll start declining. Go to sleep, and don’t wake up.</p><p>He’d be killing his own brain. But really, the way his entire situation is set up, it was already gonna happen.</p><p>Death by hypoxia sounds great.</p><p>Death by hypoxia would not be the best gift he’s ever gotten. That would be the time Naruto gave him an advanced copy of Icha Icha Tactics. But it would be a close second.</p><p>Kakashi doesn’t want to die, but he has to, and he’d <em>really</em> like to not die the way he’s going to. But, well. He’s going to.</p><p>Kakashi’s digging his way up, clawing at the dirt above him, and there’s cool air sweeping his fingers. He breaks through the skin of the earth. </p><p>A dirt-stained hand shoots up from beneath the earth, gripping ground, pulls out a strained forearm in a mud-caked sleeve, like a magic trick. A scarf pulled out of a sleeve or a bunny lifted out of a hat. A zombie tearing itself out of the ground. Kakashi pulls himself up.</p><p>Kakashi doesn’t know where Obito is, he doesn’t know where Gai and Naruto are, but he knows that they’re okay.</p><p>Madara is a blast of energy, explosive, tendrils of chakra evaporating from his body. A civilian would see someone unlucky standing dead in the middle of a meteorite's track. Madara collides with the ground in front of Kakashi, and Kakashi can feel earth rolling underneath his feet. Trees crack away from the wave of force. He stumbles and falls to his knees to keep balance.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Kakashi has a seal written on the palm of his hand, and this is the endgame.</p><p>“Madara.” Kakashi looks up, greeting him.</p><p>“I don’t know you.” Madara looks down at him, standing there, arms crossed, motionless. The same as the stone carving that stood five hundred feet over rushing waters, a waterfall breaking at his feet, nothing but a pool of water to him. “But I can tell you that you are a fool.”</p><p>“I’ve heard the rhetoric,” Kakashi says, still kneeling.</p><p>The conversation would appear civil from a photograph.</p><p>There’s a glint in Madara’s eye and Kakashi feels that if he breathes too quickly his neck will be split down to his spine and he’ll die choking on his own blood.</p><p>Madara takes a step forward and Kakashi swallows. “Wait.”</p><p>Madara snarls, not stopping. “Years ago, I waited a moment too long and ended up chasing after Obito Uchiha’s other eye as a consequence.” </p><p>Madara rushes at him and Kakashi slams into a tree before he can move, breath rushing out of him. The branches sway so hard some of them break off. Kakashi can feel the trunk rejecting his impact, waves of force reverberating back at him.</p><p>He rolls to get back up but Madara is there and on top of him, keeping him down, and Kakashi can’t get his breath back. Madara punches him in the head, in the neck, and Kakashi’s spine hurts. Pieces of porcelain lay broken around Kakashi’s face. He’s tasting blood, can feel it cooling on what little skin he’s showing. Who knows whose blood it is? Madara has slivers of Obito’s broken mask in his knuckles and Kakashi thinks that there’s a shard stuck in a hole in his cheek.</p><p>The seal is hot on Kakashi’s palm and he tries for Madara’s neck. Madara jumps back. </p><p>“Don’t you wish there was a world where I simply wasn’t <em>capable</em> of doing this to you? What a shame,” Madara hisses, mocking.</p><p>“It was never going to happen,” Kakashi rasps.</p><p>“With all you’ve been through!” Madara shouts, anger in his eyes. The air is blistering with chakra. Kakashi watches the grass burn at Madara’s feet. “I forced my hand and you lived and breathed <em>hell</em>, shinobi. Even if you're not the one I created, the look in your eyes tells me you’re waiting to die.”</p><p>“It’s <em>moronic</em>-” Kakashi bites, irritated, finally angry that this whole thing came from one man's delusion. He pushes himself up. Madara is there instantly, driving the heel of his shoe into Kakashi’s kidney and Kakashi falls flat on his stomach, coughing. He pushes Madara off him and stumbles, retreats as far back as his body will allow. “You can’t honestly believe that something like a perfect world is really out there just waiting to happen.”</p><p>Madara is obstinate in silence, standing there with his arms crossed. Gone stone again.</p><p>“All you’ve done,” Kakashi laughs, “if it really did create a world where everyone’s a vegan and allergic to sharpened steel, a true and real paradise beyond the laws of the natural world, the means to the end would be warranted. <em>No one would have tried to stop you</em>. Your ‘dream world’ is a fucking <em>fantasy</em>.”</p><p>Madara is tilting forward like he’s ready to try to kill Kakashi for real.</p><p>And then he’s behind Kakashi, and Kakashi dodges a kick to his side, not attacking at all, only evading. Madara snatches Kakashi’s arm and there’s a stall in the fighting. </p><p>“Do you know how I know? I watched Zetsu punch a hole through your chest. He says everything he did, he did for his mommy<em>. Kaguya</em>.”</p><p>Kakashi catches a brief expression of surprise on Madara’s face before incredulity. Kakashi pulls away and Madara attacks him again.</p><p>“Stop,” Kakashi’s running out of breath, running out of energy maintaining the seal. “What’s the point? What can you do but die?”</p><p>“I could kill you.”</p><p>“I’m gonna die anyway. Listen, you’ve shitted on the world and you’ve done the worst there is to do and your name will go down in history books just like that.” Madara looks at him, clearly irritated, turning to hit him while Kakashi tries to duck.</p><p>“I can tell you the world is better after this. Because of this.”</p><p>For a millisecond, the anger bleeds out of Madara’s eyes, the line of his shoulders drop. </p><p>Then Kakashi’s hand is on Madara’s neck, and he activates the seal.</p><p>What Kakashi needs to do is get Madara’s soul out of his body. This is how Edo-tensei works. Kakashi has a seal for this, and a pretty nifty one. But he hasn’t used it before because he needs to keep his hand on the seal until the moment of death.</p><p>What the seal does, essentially, is purges the body of foreign chakra. The real body, the person who was the receptacle for the reincarnation, will be the only leftover within a hundred feet. </p><p>This is slightly untraditional. The safest thing to do with Edo-tensei is to actually seal the soul of the reincarnation away. Kakashi’s just scattering it in the breeze.</p><p>Madara, depot of power he is, will incinerate and devour when Kakashi forces him out. It will be a detonation. Chakra, blasting outwards from the seal. Someone will look at this area, and where the thick, springy moss he’s laying on was, where solid trees stood rooted, and expect radioactive fallout. Dry, dead land. No skeletons, no trace of what life was here, except one untouched body, laying in the center of it all. It’ll seem very eldritch.</p><p>He’ll be awake for it this time.</p><p>Madara alternates between hitting Kakashi, and ripping at Kakashi’s hands on his throat. It’s not going to work. If Madara really wants Kakashi to stop he’ll have to cut his own neck off his shoulders. Kakashi’s not going to die until this is over.</p><p>“It’s a happy ending, Madara. Just let it happen. This is the closest we can get to what we really want.”</p><p>Madara looks at him, searching, and Kakashi tastes victory in the form of blood sliding down his throat.</p><p>There’s footsteps cutting towards them, person hidden behind trees, and suddenly Kakashi knows where Obito is. He rolls, and he’s sitting up, drooling blood through his mask. Madara crushes pieces of ceramic under his head as he’s flipped, immobilized and slowly asphyxiating under him. Madara just lies there, like he’s already dead.</p><p>Kakashi palms a kunai with his free hand, that sweet sharp blade, and pitches it. Hears the thud as it sinks into the tree next to Obito.</p><p><em>Stay away, </em>Kakashi thinks at him, <em>Stay the fuck away.</em></p><p>Obito keeps running, and Kakashi can feel the pulse of a time bomb under his fingertips.</p><p>Kakashi can’t do anything at this point. </p><p>If Obito dies out of stupidity, Kakashi will be dead before he can see it.</p><p>Obito dashes out of the trees, out of breath, clutching a knife, and only the gods know what he’s planning.</p><p>He freezes, halting so hard it’s funny, and sees Kakashi, soiled in blood and dirt, kneeling, choking what appears to be a corpse.</p><p>Obito is so bewildered he looks scared.</p><p>Obito is shaking, and he exhales, feigning composure. “Kakashi?” he asks, in a small voice.</p><p>Kakashi wants to laugh so hard he cries.</p><p>Obito is right there, and all Kakashi wants to do is say something to him. He wants to go home, read porn. He wants to get dinner with his friend after a long day. He wants to refuse to eat some crap that Obito likes to feed himself, and probably argue with him about the sanctity of his body as a shinobi or something. Or anything.</p><p>And Kakashi can hear the hesitation, the hope, the warmth he doesn’t get to have in a life that he doesn’t get to live.</p><p><em>God</em>, he wants to live.</p><p>Kakashi opens his mouth, and the seal explodes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>anyway, kakashi's a little unhinged</p><p>i deleted the last chapter so its not like you can compare but i think the interaction with madara is better</p><p>also, i forgot about zetsu the first time that i wrote this and edited for it in chapter two. in case you bookmarked this and only read this chapter: kakashi literally just told obito to take care of it and left</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The world is white and still.</p><p>Kakashi slams into the ground, cold and flat, and skids. On contact, the shades snap up and his body becomes enlightened to feeling. Throbbing, horrific pain.</p><p>There’s a bright ringing. Incessant.</p><p>Kakashi sees red, and he thinks that his vision’s gone before he reaches out and touches warm liquid, quickly turning cool.</p><p>The smell of his own blood hits him.</p><p>Wait. Something's wrong.</p><p>Kakashi forces himself to turn over and, blurry and dotted, the world’s turned concrete boxes suspended in infinite darkness. This is… the Kamui Dimension.</p><p>What?</p><p>No, no, no, no, no.</p><p>Why would…?</p><p>No.</p><p>This wasn’t supposed to be an exchange. This was supposed to be an empirical method, a step by step process to let Kakashi fix what he could and politely take his leave. This world is <em>better</em> and Kakashi was supposed to <em>keep </em>it that way. </p><p>Why isn’t he dead? <em>Why isn’t he dead?</em></p><p>He’s blacking out. Hazily, Kakashi reaches out to touch sticky white splatters. Plant matter. The stuff that Obito’s halfway made out of.</p><p>
  <em>Shit. </em>
</p><p>No.</p><p>God, what the hell did he do? What did he do wrong?</p><p>Kakashi is drifting and the pain is losing its edge.</p><p>
  <em>Tell me Obito’s alive. Tell me I’m not so brainless as to kill him again. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> </p><p> </p><p>this one is short but im gonna let it ferment for a little while. just a little. i feel bad posting such a short chapter especially after my last update was a revision.</p><p>anyway, are any of you emotionally scarred by my cliffhangers yet?</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://orokana-bara.tumblr.com/post/642510811889369088/kakashi">hey i procrastinated so hard i made fanart of my own fanfiction come check it out</a></p><p> </p><p><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4LowTpOy0iPoTWgxpMf6XN?si=oAL1C1k0S3eDpkRsOtPlIA">here’s the playlist babes</a> i actually dont think it works now that i know where im going with this story but hey</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>